


The Name of The Game

by NegansOtherWife



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Human/Vampire Relationship, Post-New Moon, Romance, Secrets, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:12:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegansOtherWife/pseuds/NegansOtherWife
Summary: "There is a fellowship quieter than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect.”Bella must decide how to put together the pieces of a love that Edward destroyed after he returns. A story of secrets and reconciliation. AU New Moon.





	1. It's All Coming Back to Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playlist for the story (so far):  
> The Name of the Game by: Amanda Seyfried  
> Cough Syrup by: Glee Cast  
> Thank You For The Music by: Amanda Seyfried  
> It's All Coming Back to Me Now by: Céline Dion  
> Helium by: Sia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It's my first Twilight fic, as you can tell I mostly dabble in TWD, but I couldn't shake this idea and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Okay, mwah x

**B, where are you? Coming tonight?**

**-Abi x**

 

  **Haven’t heard from you in awhile, hun???**  
****

**-Abi x**

 

  **Bella?!**  
****

**-Abi x**

 

  **Get your ass to Eva’s tonight! You better be there, B! Your sabbatical is over.**  
****

**-Abi x**

“Are you alright, love?” I look up startled from my phone, shoving it under my pillow when I catch Edward climbing through my bedroom window. As usual, my heart skips a beat when I see him, only this time a pang of guilt follows shortly after.   
****

Edward is as dazzling as ever, and I regard the way a few drops of rain cling precariously from a couple strands of his hair. It's as wild as ever, and no doubt windswept from his run here. From underneath my pillow, my phone buzzes again with another text.

Edward furrows his eyebrows before he glances at me. “You're not going to get that?”

I shrug noncommittally. “It’s just my job. Mrs. Newton asked if I could pick up a shift tonight.”

The lie comes out smoother then I thought, and I swallow a little too loudly. No need to mention that she fired me months ago. 

 _Just say it. Just tell him!_ My conscience internally berates me but I shove the voice back into its dark corner. “I already agreed to pick up the shift. I could use the money.” 

 _Overkill, Swan! You’re laying it on too think._ I listen to the little voice in my head and keep quiet for once. Edward takes it all in stride and sits at the end of my bed gingerly, trying not to muss up the covers. 

“I’ll miss you, love. Are you sure you don’t want to spend the weekend at the house?” He rubs my ankle while he speaks lowly. I’m in my usual uniform: leggings and a baggy t-shirt. Nothing to alert my overprotective boyfriend of what I’ll be doing after he leaves the area to go hunting.

_Guilty. Guilty. Guilty._

My conscience is my judge, jury, and executor.

“No, my love. Who’s going to make sure that Charlie gets his three square meals a day? Next time.” And while Charlie had reduced my sentence since I’d run off to Italy only a couple weeks ago, I didn’t want to rub it in his face— yet. I’d made it a point to spend time with my father and sit through a baseball game or two. 

He nods his assent before leaning in for a chaste kiss. Nothing more. Nothing less. He waits expectantly for me to protest— our usual routine. But I couldn’t be bothered. What was the point when Edward was more stubborn then I was? Instead, I squeezed his knee before leaning back to tuck myself under the covers.

“I’m really tired, Edward.” He smiled softly, dare I say with a hint of longing, placing one last kiss on my forehead before he’s gone. The slight flutter of my curtains the only indication that he’d ever been here.

I’m privy to admit that sometimes it still feels like he wasn’t. I pondered this while I grabbed my toiletry bag and towel. While I showered I made sure to keep my thoughts indecisive, switching between staying in, reading with a cup of tea, and doing my chemistry homework. Alice has always had a hard time seeing me, only catching random flashes, she’d stated, at the most inopportune times. 

I hope that’d be the case tonight. I stood before my closet clad only in a ratty towel unsure what to wear on my first night back.  My phone buzzed under the pillow and I reached for it.

**Wear white! It’s a boho type of night!**

**-Abi x**

I texted her an affirmative— that I would indeed be coming to work. She’d told me to wear white so that wasn’t so hard. I only owned two dresses in my possession that fit that criterion. Deciding that the first, rather then the latter was “boho” I tossed it on my bed before heading back to the bathroom and digging under the sink to pull out my makeup bag.  
****

If only Alice had a clue. My hands shook as I shakily applied eyeshadow, nothing too crazy— a dark brown in the crease and a light shimmery pink to make my eyes pop. The exact way Abigail had taught me. When I was finished with my makeup I stood back in the mirror to assess my finished work. A light pink lip gloss and some eye make and my look was complete. I hurriedly pulled out my curling iron, careful not to burn myself.

When my hair cascaded in natural waves past my shoulders, I dropped the towel and pulled the dress off the hanger and over my head in the same movement. It’d been almost six thirty when I’d hopped in the shower, and I was cutting it close if I wanted to make it to Port Angeles by eight.

The white dress that adorned my body was a white off the shoulder number that was fit and flare, landing a couple inches past my ass and adorned with bell crochet sleeves. Glancing back at myself in the mirror I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline that I’d craved so much after Edward had left me. 

Now I remember why I’m doing this. How I’d gotten here. The idea of having my own secret caused the feeling to flare up inside my chest again, and I greedily devoured it. Without a second glance, I grabbed my duffel bag and pranced out the house.


	2. Evangeline’s Piano Bar and Cocktail Lounge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter as I'm excited to hear what you guys think!

I sang softly to myself on the way to work. Coincidentally, I passed Newton’s Olympic Outfitters as I went. A heady cocktail of guilt and adrenaline hits me and I floor the gas pedal pushing myself farther away from Forks.

When I pulled into the parking lot of **Evangeline’s Piano Bar and Cocktail Lounge** , I cut the engine of my truck and slipped my shoes out of my duffle bag. A pair of white wedges that were far easier to walk in than heels. I’d had to learn fast as the dress code called for shoes to be a minimum of three inches. But the girls at the bar had made it fun, and now slipping them on my feet, I felt empowered and dare I say sexy. I grinned at the thought.

Abigail bombarded me as soon as I stepped through the door, greeting Ray the bouncer— I barely had enough time to turn and brace myself before she was upon me. 

“Belly B! I missed you! The bar hasn’t been the same without you.” She pouts before leaning back to glance at my outfit, she nods in approval, making her ebony curls bounce. Abigail is a vision in her two-piece eyelash lace dress, it showcases her toned stomach perfectly and the heels on her feet make her legs go on for days. With her rich brown skin and hazel eyes, she’s gorgeous and knows it. “Mya’s almost here, so we can go over the set list! But you, Missy,” She points at me mock threateningly. “Need to explain where you’ve been and why you haven’t been answering my calls.”

“My dad caught me sneaking out,” I decide to give her the half-truth so as not to raise any suspicion. She gives me a look, almost as if to say “is that it,” that’s the thing with Abi— she always wants more. So I give it to her. “I was going to meet my ex. We’re back together.” 

“Are you serious, Isabella?” Her mouth drops and I watch as her pretty faces goes through a range of emotions. Finally, she schools her features enough to address me, grabbing both my shoulders, she looks me straight in the eye. “But are you happy?”

Isn’t that the million dollar question? I’ve asked myself that multiple times since Edward had returned. Slipping into his mold snugly— almost as if he’d never left. Almost.

“I’m happy,” She knows there's a ‘but’ coming. “But there’s this other half that isn’t exactly happy.” I feel the weight of my secret that I’ve been carrying around in my heart lessen as I unload my problems between us. It’s like this place is my safe haven. I can be myself without a care, there aren’t any supernatural entities and perfect Cullen's to worry about overhearing. A large part of me is hurt that Edward would dangle an ultimatum for me to be like him in the form of marriage. “I’m so madly in love with him,” I finally begin after collecting myself, I’d quieted under the realization, giving myself time to mull over my thoughts. Abigail and I both wait eagerly to see what morsel of thought my subconscious will unfurl next.

“He never said sorry. Not directly at least.” My eyes water slightly when I realize what I’ve said is true. Abigail looks outraged but I continue before she can speak. “We talked— or he talked, at least. He told me he loved me, said he’d never leave again, etcetera.”

“Excuses,” She spits out. “Men never want to admit what they did was wrong. I’m so sorry, Bella. Keep going.” She urges.

I shrug because there's really nothing left to say. “I guess all I really want to hear is sorry. But when I’m around him and his family I just clam up. We’re all so happy now, why would I want to say anything and ruin that? It’s been a couple of weeks now since he’s come back, I feel like… my time expired and it's too late to say anything.” She nods understandably, not fighting what I have to say in the slightest. That’s why I love her.

“Well, hey! I know what will make you feel better.” She tugs me through the curtains that separate the actual piano bar from the small lobby and seating area in the front. “A shot of tequila! Get you loose for your shift, my love!” I wince as I hear her utter my pet name for Edward. 

Maybe a shot of Vodka _and_ Tequila will do me well, I can’t be all distracted like this before we open. Abigail flirts with the bartender. Ed, an Irish twenty-something-year-old with fiery red hair. We’re both shy of twenty-one, but Evangeline, the owner, is pretty laid back when it comes to age. Almost half the staff is under the legal limit to work in the bar, and we all have fake papers if the authorities ever come sniffing around. A large reason why I was drawn to this piano bar in the first place.

* * *

_“Bella lets just go home.” Jessica rolls her eyes when she suggests it and even I’m not that dense to see that she regrets accepting my invitation to go see a movie in Port Angeles._

_That’s perfectly fine, I’m honest enough to admit that I was only using her as an excuse to get Charlie off my back. Angela just so happened to be babysitting, so really she’d been my last resort._

_I nod absentmindedly to let her know that I heard her, and we head back in the direction of our cars._

_My pace slows only when I realize that I’ve never actually stopped to consider my surroundings. Up ahead, there’s a short line to get into a building. A group of people in line joke around loudly and I watch Jessica eye them uneasily before suggesting that we cross the street._

_I continue walking, ignoring her request, and Jessica laughs nervously before following me. Like clockwork Edwards' voice pierces my subconscious, becoming steadily louder as we approach the bar._

**Evangeline’s Piano Bar and Cocktail Lounge**

_I stop to read the sign above the nondescript door before Jessica’s tugging me along._  
****

_“If you’re so interested you should go on in…we don’t bite.” A curly haired beauty straightens up from where she was once leaning up against the wall of the building I'd been studying._

_“That’s okay,” Jessica speaks for both of us trying to tug me along. Her urgent voice mingles with Edward and I gaze at the girl before me, lightly puffing on a cigarette. The light pink dress on her small frame accentuates her curves and her killer legs. “We’re not even old enough to drink— what with us being nineteen and all.”_

_“That’s okay. Miss Evangeline doesn’t discriminate… nineteen is perfect.” She holds out her hand with a Cheshire cat smile, and I take it._

* * *

“So what are we singing tonight?” Abigail passes me a shot of Tequila and we clink glasses before she toasts.

“To getting back with your boyfriend and to hoping that I get to suck off Ed tonight.” She says it loud enough that Ed hears at the end of the bar where he’s taking inventory before we open. I watch from over her shoulder as he balks, a slow blush creeping its way up his neck.

Abigail's hazel eyes are practically shimmering with glee.

‘Evil,’ I mouth quietly, before throwing the shot back with ease. 

 _If only Edward could see you know._ The thought sends another rush of guilt and adrenaline into my system, I practically eat it up. It’s not healthy but maybe I can keep this feeling and Edward. It seems I need them both to live.

Evangeline appears from the door behind the large bar that leads to her office on the second floor as well as a multitude of other rooms that are found in a bar. She could give Rosalie a run for her money. She reminds me of one of those old Hollywood starlets as I observe the way her platinum blonde hair is pulled back and into an intricate design. Her coke bottle figure is poured into a strapless black number, paired with her signature blood red lipstick.

“Ladies, are we drinking the merchandise already?” She pouts dramatically before motioning for Ed to come over. “And here I thought you both loved me enough to wait. A Cosmo, Ed.” She gently requests before leaning over the bar to kiss me on both cheeks.

“How are you, Evangeline? How’s Boris?” Her 95- year- old husband, and the only reason she can afford to keep a piano bar that’s only open four days out of the week, in business. 

“Still breathing, unfortunately,” She rolls her powder blue eyes, before taking a swig of her drink that has miraculously appeared in her hand. 

“Bella’s back with her boyfriend,” Suddenly I have two slightly disapproving looks being thrown at me. Although their opinions don’t bear much weight. I’d given them a watered down version of what had happened with Edward. He’d left with the ‘It’s not you, It's me’ excuse without a second glance, and when I think about it like that a knot forms in my belly and pulls tights.

“The rich one?” Evangeline asks because really that's the first and only thing she inquires about when someone brings up their relationship. It’s how she measures worth. I nod to let her know she’s spot on. “Well, at least he’s rich. Am I right, Isabella hun?” She chugs her drink before eyeing us both.

“You girls ready for tonight? I thought we’d switch it up a little bit.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes because she comes to us once a week with the same speech. 

“What are we doing?” I inquire again.

Evangeline smiles making her blue eyes seem brighter. “A sexy rendition of some of my favorites. Carter and I hammered it all out over dinner last night.” Her eyes practically glitter when she says his name. Carter, our piano man, and Evangeline’s boyfriend, is arguably one of the most attractive men in Washington, ranking right underneath the Cullen men in my opinion. Sharp gray eyes, an angular jaw that could cut glass, and a headful of thick hair he always wears tied back in a low bun. If it wasn’t for his looks then it was surely his piano fingers that attracted Evangeline to him like a fly on honey.

“You girls better head down there, we open in twenty-five minutes.” She glances at her watch before flitting upstairs. “I’m going to call Mya.”

We make our way past the bar area and the staff that is finishing up last minute chores before we open the door. When I’d come in there’d already been a small line forming, patrons affectionally deemed ‘our early risers’.

I carefully maneuver the small stairs that lead down to the small dance floor and the stage.

“Get mic’ed up, girls.” Carter distractedly greets us. He’s scribbling frantically on a sheet of music. “Bella, you better not be rusty from your little vacay.”

“I wouldn’t call being on house arrest a vacay.” I snort, unbothered by his attitude. He’s always a little high strung before we open. See, while we may sing and dance a little, shaking our hips in short dresses. We’re only the draw-in factor— Carter’s the main show.  

* * *

_I don’t know what possessed me to stay until the bar was closed. I hadn’t bothered to check my phone but I knew it had to be at least three in the morning. I’d have to push the limits of my car if I was going to make it back to the house before Charlie did from his night shift._

_Jessica had abandoned me the moment I’d taken Abigail’s hand. She’s a weird thing, and she almost reminds me of Alice. Although she has her own way that’s not overbearing in the slightest. Watching her dance on stage has me completely captivated, and I ache to be as carefree as the two girls on stage. Interacting with the people on the dance floor and stuffing tips into their bras._

_Edwards voice is sharp and reprimanding. He whispers that I’m better than a ten dollar tip, but I pay him no mind._

_I watch her make her way towards me, and she glances at the untouched drink in my hand before smiling. “Drink up, Bella.” I obediently take a small sip, I’ve never had alcohol before but its good so I take a bigger sip, even though the melted ice cubes have probably diluted any of the alcohol._

_She grabs my hand. “I want you to meet Carter.” She leads me over to the piano and I balk, all the while she’s prattling aimlessly. “Do you sing? You look like a singer. With a little makeup and a tighter dress… well, you’ll be perfect.”_

_She leads me onto the stage where ‘Carter’s’ nursing his own drink and pouring over his sheet music. When he notices us he lets his eye briefly travel over my frame before turning to Abigail._

_“No.”_

_“Oh, come on. You haven’t even heard her sing yet. You know Eva wanted a brunette. I’ll go get her. ” Abigail threatens, and Carter relents before turning to face me._

_“Sing,” He gazes at me expectantly and I’m taken back. I’ve hardly spoken more than a sentence at a time since Edward left, and he wanted me to sing? He waits for a beat before turning to Abigail. “Told you.”_

_I watch Abigail's face briefly crumble before she schools her features, and something inside me awakens. I’m so tired of having that reaction from Charlie and my friends. But now I’m getting it from complete strangers?_

_“You are my sunshine,” I clear my throat briefly before continuing. I don’t know what possesses me to sing this song but it's out in the open and I cannot take it back. When I see Abigail's encouraging smile I continue whilst Carter listens intently. His eye’s the color of steel. When I’m finished he sits back for a moment, and I start to get nervous. I haven’t sung to anyone since my ninth grade choir class._

_“Be here tomorrow for practice— and wear a dress.”_

_Abigail’s squeal is the only thing that I can concentrate on, that and the small smile unfurling across my face._

* * *

While I let Abigail hide the mic in my hair, I let myself savor the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. It’s been awhile since I’ve sung at the bar, but I thoroughly enjoy what I do. I know I have a pretty voice— it's stunning actually. I’ve had Edward compliment me on it briefly when he snuck up on me once while I was cleaning. But I’d never been brave enough to sing in front of an audience until I’d stumbled across this piano bar. 

I comfort myself with that fact as we begin to go over the set list, Mya rushes in apologizing. Her white dress compliments ours perfectly and we briefly go over who will sing what part with Carter and how we’ll dance. I wouldn’t really call it dancing, I’m still a klutz, but I can handle a shimmy and turn when I have to. 

Carter claps his hands together, as I accept a drink from Ed’s hand. “All right ladies— showtime.”


	3. Cough Syrup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and leave some kudos. 
> 
> NegansOtherWife x

It’s almost eleven and the bar is packed— although its nothing out of the ordinary for a Friday night. The dance floor is packed with gyrating bodies, I note, as I maneuver carefully through the bar with a drink tray balanced in one hand. 

I greet the patrons in my section before handing them their drinks. The music from the speaker pauses, and the crowd protests, before realizing its time for a show. Carter swiftly calls us to the stage, and there's cheering and whistling as we make it a point to unravel our waitress belts slowly before sauntering up to the stage. It’s large to accommodate for the piano built into the middle of it. Evangeline really does know how to spoil her newest flavor of the month, but it’s pretty cool how with one flip of his foot, Carter can make his baby grand spin and raise from its place sequestered partially in the stage. 

Slowly and with a sensual undertone, that has the people on the dance floor reaching for a partner, he begins to play the piano. The only sound in the bar are the notes before the band joins in behind him, the curtain pulling up to expose the back half of the stage.

_This love is tainted_

_I need you and I hate it_

_You're caught between a dream_

_And a movie scene_

His voice is like silk, and the people in their seats cheer. Behind him we begin to sway to the music, we’re not needed for this song— Carter’s only setback is that he’s an attention whore. But I know that I’m supposed to take the lead after he’s done, so I mentally prepare myself. 

The band is quick to transition to the next song and I step forward from my place between Abigail and Mya, swaying my hips as I saunter up next to Carter’s piano. From close up you can see that the paint and the keys are worn, this piano has been well loved. It’s the polar opposite of Edward’s, and I ponder this as I grab Carter’s shoulder for support before dropping low quickly and shimmying my hips slightly on the uptake.

_Life's too short to even care at all oh_

_I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control_

I begin to sing quietly and sensually, paying extra attention to the bass as Carter’s rendition is obviously slower. I’m familiar with the song as most of Carter’s songs are renditions of newer songs— a factor that brings in the younger crowd. But it isn’t until I start singing it in front of a sea of grinding bodies does the weight of the lyrics actually hit me. 

My head is usually free when I sing but I can’t shake the image of Edward’s face in my head from earlier today. So trusting and soft— it makes me angry and sad all at the same time. 

_If I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away_

_To some fortune that I, I should have found by now_

The music picks up and I sing louder throwing myself into the song in hopes that I can escape my racing thoughts of guilt. It's only then does my body pump in a new shot of guilt commingling with the adrenaline of being on stage and the center of attention— something I’d always hated. My body is doing the opposite of how ‘Shy Bella” would usually behave and for some reason that makes the feeling even headier, and I moan audibly while I sing the words to the song, making the crowd go wild. I lean forward as someone tucks a 100 dollar bill into the front of my top, before hopping onto the piano no doubt taking Carter by surprise.

But the crowd is so into it, and so am I— riding this natural high that blurs the line along with the alcohol that I’ve consumed. Carter takes it all in stride and hits the switch that causes the piano to slowly rotate. It’s not fully erected from the stage, so I’m not too high up and in any danger of falling, so I stand to my full height bending at the waist so that my hair curtains myself before slowly straightening up and finishing the last chorus of the song. Swinging my hips and hair wildly, as the vibrations of the piano climb their way up my body. 

It’s like I’m watching myself from across the room, but as I think of Edward and his ‘rules’ and expectations— everything. I lose myself.

Standing there in front of the cheering crowd, I realize that this is the highest I’ve ever been— and I’ll have to fall eventually.


	4. for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys are enjoying the story! Leave some kudos and let me know what you think. I think I'll be posting up to two chapters a week since I have most of this story written and I'm so eager for you all to read it. 
> 
> Okay, mwah. x

I’m nursing a slight hangover when Edward slips in through my window Sunday afternoon. I’ve made sure to shower at least three times and gargle so he can’t smell the remnants of alcohol on my breath.

I placate the guilty feeling in my chest, by telling myself that I’ll tell him today.

He rubs my back gently because I’m still in bed even though its nearly noon. So maybe I danced a little to hard last night. But the nearly eight hundred dollars I’m hiding in tips underneath my mattress assures me that my body will forgive me. “Ready to see the family?”

For all the problems and turmoil going on in my head, I smile when I see Edward. He’s impeccable as always. Not a thing out of place except for his hair, which is in its usual disarray. I agree before getting out of bed to get dressed.

“How was your weekend, love?” The way he poses the question makes me pause and I consider how to answer without completely lying to my boyfriend.

“Eventful,” It’s not the right answer, and I rush out the room with my clothes to change. When I’ve changed and I enter my room again, I find that Edward has taken his usual seat in my rocking chair facing the window. “Ready.” He softly smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I nod.

Without another word he wraps his hand around my waist depositing me on his back before we’re gone and flying towards his house. When we arrive I wipe my feet, even though they haven’t touched the ground once before entering his unblemished house. 

“Oh, look. The humans back already,” Rosalie glides by on her way to the garage, although I suspect she’s been waiting for me, just so she can get her dig in for the day. “Last time wasn’t humiliating enough for you?”

She’s referring to my ill-guided attempt to seduce Edward. I’d obviously misjudged that Edward and I had the entire house to ourselves. I’m sure she heard me cry.

“Rosalie,” Edward softly admonishes, and that’s it. That’s all she gets for her scathing and hurtful comment. Esme pulls her aside, but its Edward who I want to actually say something on my behalf for once. Hell, even Emmett has said something! “Please.” He stresses the word.

 _She knows her own name, Edward. Stand up for me!_ I internally berate him, with a strained smile on my face. 

“It’s all right, love. She doesn’t mean it,” He softly assures me before taking my coat and ushering me farther along into the house.

 _Of course, she doesn’t, and I’m a half werewolf hybrid._ My mind briefly flashes to Jake who I haven’t seen in a quick minute.

“No, Bella.” Edward admonishes, and I’m beside myself on why he’s suddenly berating _me_. “You shouldn’t be hanging around the likes of Jacob Black, he’s dangerous.” He practically spits his name out.

Alice at least has the audacity to look guilty when she appears before me, kissing both cheeks, and in the same moment, she’s perched on the seat next to her mate. “Sorry, Bella. I can’t control my visions when it comes to you. They come in pulses.”

“He’s dangerous,” He utters again before dragging me in the direction of the stairs.

Jasper snorts from his position across from the room and I can’t help but giggle too. Hypocrisy, much?

“Shouldn’t _you_ be hunting?” Edward addresses Jasper, and I furrow my eyebrows in response. Vampires have super hearing, so the only reason that Edwards has said it that loud is for my benefit— and to shame Jasper. I begin to bristle but find that the anger is soon swept away in a wave of calm. Jasper shoots me a small smile before he flits out one of the numerous open windows in the Cullen household, Alice follows after him, but not before shooting me a bemused glance. “Come, love. Why don’t you have lunch before we go to our meadow.”

I can’t grasp the courage to say whats really on my mind. Instead, I look forward to Friday night.


	5. Guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually update on Sundays but I figured... everyone needs a midweek pick me up. Am I right?

Friday night rolls around quickly and I’m lucky enough that my work schedule coincides with the Cullen Clan’s latest hunting trip. Sort of like family bonding, Edward told me that he and the rest of the family were mandated to weekly hunting trips as a show of support for Jasper who was having a rough time acclimating back to human interactions. According to Edward, they’d pretty much been isolated in Alaska in fear of a repeat performance of my birthday.

Not my fault. 

I told them I didn’t want a birthday party.

Evangeline specifically requested for us to wear something sexy tonight, as the theme is _sensuality_. But because I lack sensuality, and my boyfriend is a 117-year-old vampire that refuses to so much as touch me. I agree to come in a little early so that Evangeline can dress me. 

Throwing my makeup bag and hairspray into my truck, I climb in adorned in nothing more than my ratty sweats and my 'Forks High' gym tee as well as my black converse. 

When I pull up to the bar almost an hour later I nod to Ray, before greeting Eva at the bar. She’s in a deeply plunging red halter dress, with her blonde hair piled atop her head. When she sees me her eyes light up, and without warning a wisp of adrenaline begins to form in my stomach. 

_Guilty. Guilty. Guilty._

“There’s my little star! Do you know I had people asking about you Sunday night, and this Thursday?” She grins at me, showing me a row of perfect white teeth. The piano bar is open Thursday night to Sunday. But the girls and I only sing Friday and Saturday, like I said before, Carter’s the main show— we’re just the draw factor. “Why was that, Isabella? I need to know what transpired that change within you— you were a sex kitten, my angel!”

“My boyfriends stressing me out,” It’s partially a joke but she nods seriously taking my answer into consideration like I just gave her the meaning of life.

“You remember everything that I taught you right, Isabella? You’re not retreating back into yourself like a hermit crab are you?” I’m ashamed to meet her blue eyes, but she must have seen something in my posture because she pulls me into a deep hug without another word.

“Come, let's get you dressed so that you can go over the set list with Carter. He’s got some ideas tonight that are really going to blow your mind.”

* * *

_There isn’t a solid reason that I can come up with for why I returned to the bar the following day in broad daylight. The building is nice and sequestered between two allies, it's all dark bricking and has a shiny sign that reads_ **_Evangeline’s Piano Bar and Cocktail Lounge_ ** _._

_With shaky hands I open the door and step in, there’s no bouncer to announce my arrival or tell me where to go, so instead, I bypass the lobby and head straight back to the lounge. With the lights turned on and most of the tables and chairs pushed aside the place is less intimidating then yesterday. Nonetheless, it's impressive, with shiny black leather seats and crystal chandeliers. This is the type of place the Cullen’s would have no doubt enjoyed._

_The thought makes the hole in my chest ache._

_“Oh, you’re here,” Abigail exclaims appearing from behind a door near the bar. In both arms, she’s holding a bundle of dresses and my heart sinks at the prospect of what is to come next. “This is going to be so much fun. Eva will be down shortly! I told her you’d probably need a pair of heels. No offense but it looks like you probably don’t own any.”_

_“It’s okay. You’re right.” I don’t think I’ve even glanced in the mirror since Edward left._

_A stunning blonde appears behind the bar, her lithe frame clocked in a silk blouse and leather pants. On her dainty feet, she’s wearing a pair of heels that may gouge my eye out if I’m not careful enough to not trip and fall today. They both double over in laughter before I realize I’ve said the last part out loud._

_“Oh, you’re gorgeous. Just like Abi said you’d be. What’s your name dear?” She gathers me into her arms and my senses are immediately bombarded by a very expensive, but nice smelling perfume._

_“Bella,” I respond hesitantly and watch as she furrows her eyebrows in concentration. “Its short for Isabella.”_

_“That just won’t do.” She clucks her tongue before letting me go and producing a pair of heels from behind her back. “Listen hear Isabella, you have a beautiful name and you need to utilize it more. You were gifted with a long name. Do you know what that means?”_

_I shake my head._

_“It means, Isabella,” She leans in like it's our own personal secret, even though Abigail is lurking over her shoulder with eager eyes and Carter’s sauntered in and taken a seat at the piano. “It means that we're destined for greatness.”_

* * *

Evangeline’s completely outdone herself and I stand before both her and Carter, in a black strapless dress that hits mid-thigh. My breasts threaten to spill forward from the front, and the heels she’s forced me to wear take my breath away. My hair flows in soft waves, pinned in place by a couple of salon clips so I don’t muss anything up while we practice. The kicker— my makeup, which consists of a smoky eye and a bold red lip, courtesy of Evangeline’s extensive red lipstick collection.

“You want me to sing Céline Dion?” I clarify for the second time in a row, because while my voice is good—it’s not Céline _good_. No one is that good, really. Except, of course, Whitney and Barbra. I stare at Evangeline and Carter like they’ve lost their collective brain cell.

“It’s only the first song in the set, and then I want you to sing the next two. Easy, peasy.” Carter assures me needlessly, we take brakes in-between each song so that’s not what worries me. “You can have the rest of the night off after for all we care. Just do this one thing. The crowd loves you, Bella.”

“Isabella,” Evangeline gently corrects him. “She’s Isabella, strong and carefree. Not a spot on her heart.”

Carter shakes his head before continuing, "I’m gonna have the piano half raised out of the ground like last week. We’re gonna have standing mics, but I want you to go wireless towards the end. The Céline song is going to fade off into _The Name of the Game._ ” I take a moment to peer at the three mics on stage, two on either side of the piano and one in front, while he scribbles down his words almost as an afterthought.

“You want me to dance again?” My mind goes numb at the prospect, and I call out for Ed to make me a drink from across the room.

“That’s the spirit, Isabella.” Evangeline claps her hands together before popping up next to me, as she shares a glance with Carter. “Now let’s talk about how you’re going to touch Carter.”

“Make it a double, Ed.” He turns around midway and heads back to the bar to fix my drink. I sip it before addressing Carter. “Has she lost her mind?’

Evangeline tsks softly before sinking gracefully onto Carter’s waiting lap. I watch as she runs his hands through his loose hair, tugging it gently so that his head falls back and his neck is exposed, before addressing me. “Have you ever touched a man, Isabella?” Whether its the alcohol making me brave or the fact that I can unload my feelings on an unbiased playing field, I’m not sure, but I tell the truth.

Shaking my head, I answer. “No, my boyfriend refuses to touch me until I marry him, I’m a virgin— but _not_ by choice,” I say, recalling the gentle but still hurtful rejection from Edward in our meadow earlier this week.

“Oh, sweetie.” She gathers me gently in her arms, my drink cradled between her impressive breasts. “That just won’t do. I’m going to show you a thing or two that may just melt the pants off that boyfriend of yours.”

I chug the rest of my drink before I agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If no one has told you today, don't forget: You are wonderful and amazing! 
> 
> Okay, mwah x


	6. The Name of The Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter!

The club is packed, and I’ve already made three hundred dollars in tips before it’s even time for me to go on stage. Carter’s demanding the clubs attention, as usual. Dishing out a heart-thumping ballad before switching to a slow sultry love song in the next moment. But I’m too busy juggling the task of serving drinks and listening to peoples drunken compliments while simultaneously trying to take orders to enjoy the show. 

From the corner of my eye, something catches my attention, and I turn to investigate but see nothing of importance. Huh. I shrug thinking nothing of it. It’s almost time to go on so I head to the bar to meet Mya and Abigail who are already starting to take off their waitress belts. I do the same, leaning into a dish to catch my reflection and freshen up my makeup.

“What’s got you all mussed up?” I ask Mya, who keeps adjusting her breasts in her minidress. She mumbles something about dimples but I can barely hear her as Carter’s voice rings through the club.

“We have a special treat for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen,” The club starts to cheer in reaction, they know whats coming. “Come on up to the stage ladies. Don’t be shy.” 

The crowd parts like the red sea and we saunter up to the stage taking our place. The lights are dimmed, which allows me to lose myself in the crowd. I can only see as far as the dance floor.

Carter begins his short piece on the piano, he’s at an angle so that the audience can still see him while I sing in front of him. It’s a sweet setup, but I bet I’m sweeter.

I’m  taken aback by my brazen thoughts, and I start to rethink the cranberry vodka martini that’s still sitting half finished at the bar. Behind me, I can hear Carter mouth ‘sex kitten’. I’ll be the first to admit that I was a little hesitant about singing Céline, but when they’d told me the song, well, I’d balked at the irony. This I could do— this in its own twisted way was my therapy.

_There were nights when the wind was so cold_

_That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it_

_Right outside the window_

I leave my hands on the mic letting my hands slowly caress the stand as they travel downward intentionally, just like Eva had told me only a couple hours ago. I imagine that its Edward, and before long I’m sinking into that niche in my mind, the one where all I can concentrate on is resentment and guilt, as the words I’m singing resonate with me. 

_There were days when the sun was so cruel_

_That all the tears turned to dust_

_And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever_

I take Evangeline’s advice and sing as if Edward’s in the front row, and I pour every emotion I’ve experienced since he left me and reappeared in my life so suddenly. All the anger and hurt. There’s so much hurt. 

_I finished crying in the instant that you left_

_And I can't remember where or when or how_

_And I banished every memory you and I had ever made_

I run my hands slowly up my body swaying to the music as the band picks up behind me, and the crowd of moving bodies become practically abstract before my eyes as I throw my head back and roll my hips, imagining Edwards hands on me where I want them the most. I sway my hips in time to the music, sensing more than seeing the girls in perfect sync with my movement. It’s like I transcend and transform on stage, and I hear the change in piano as the music slows down. The bass becoming heavy and Carter’s piano notes slowing. 

Oh yes. I back away from the mic and watch as it swiftly disappears off stage.

I've seen you twice, in a short time

Only a week since we started

I spin around and place both hands on the piano before bending my top half over the piano, swinging my head around so I’m facing the crowd. My bodies on autopilot as I watch myself crawl toward the crowing audience, the drums beat in my chest as I move and sway. There’s a slight tremor in my voice as I sing the next line running my hands down the front of my body.

What's the name of the game?

Can you feel it the way I do?

Tell me please, 'cause I have to know

I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow

I stand up and gracefully deposit myself on top of the piano while Mya and Abigail, sing their part, getting closer to the audience to accept tips. Below me, the piano starts to slowly rotate with a jolt, and Carter shoots me a smirk when I lift his drink and take a sip.

 _Liquid courage,_ I reason to myself before I continue to sing.

Your smile, and the sound of your voice

And the way you see through me

Got a feeling, you give me no choice

But it means a lot to me

So I wanna know

Carter and I sing the chorus together and I lean in close to his mic so that it appears to the audience that I’m whispering a secret to him. In response, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my head before I roll over so my head dangles off the side. I lay across the top arching my back as the audience cheers, the sound meshes into a dull roar in my ear when I notice, from my upside down position on the baby grand, Edward’s confused and hurt face. I right myself so quickly that the room spins dangerously before it corrects itself. 

No. No. No.

Guilt blossoms in my chest, this time accompanied solely by itself. No. What is he doing here? I sit up on the piano and plant my feet on the bench to ground myself as Carter pounds out his solo below me, I can barely feel it as I continue to gaze at Edward.

“I trusted you and you let me down. Will you laugh at me, when I say I care for you?” I sing the last words of the song, intentionally warped, as I’m trying to pass along a message to him as he continues to stand in the middle of the dance floor. He’s so out of place in a blue button-down and dark washed jeans. He’s not even looking at me, his eyes taking in his surroundings wildly, and as he turns around I follow after him ripping the mic from my hair as I push through the crowd of still moving bodies.

The song isn’t even finished, but I follow him out the door. Due to the late-night scene of Port Angeles, he's reduced to a human speed, but even so, I have to run after him in heels. 

“Please— _wait_. Help me understand, Edward. What are you doing here?” It’s obviously the wrong choice of words as he finally halts in his step. Turning to face me, he looks behind me to observe Ray, who is no doubt wondering if I'm okay, before pulling me into the alley beside the bar.

“Me— you’re asking me what I'm doing here when you told me you were still working at Newton’s. Bella, what is this?” I gaze into his hurts eyes as I reel in disbelief. Did I really think I’d get away with this? "I come home early to surprise you, only to find that your scent hasn't even been near Newton's in months. Months, Bella."

“Edward, calm down.” I squint when I recognize Alice’s bell-like voice coming towards us in the dark alley. There’s only one dingy lightbulb and it doesn’t provide a decent amount of light. “Nice dress, Bella. How come you don’t let me dress you like that at home?” She attempts a light joke but I can tell she’s worried about Edward. She’s accompanied by Jasper— and Emmett isn’t far behind. 

My heart sinks when you I see Rosalie.

My neutral playing field has been compromised. 

“Don’t try to change the subject, Alice.” He pivots so that he’s facing me again, his golden eyes are anguished as he pierces me with his gaze. “Why?”

I swallow thickly while my brain tries to search and spit out an answer. I was the angry one, he’s the one who’d followed me here. I might have lied but that was an invasion of privacy bordering on epic proportions. Could I not get any privacy— an ounce of respect? I mean, I was going to tell him.

 _Liar._ My conscience screams, making me wince. Whether its the situation I've found myself in or the alcohol, I feel a headache coming on. 

Jasper catches my eye, but I ignore whatever he’s trying to communicate to me.

“I lost my job at Newton’s when I stopped showing up, Edward.  I could barely get out of bed.” Edward winces before the animosity melts away from his beautiful face. 

He interrupts before I can go on. “Oh, love. It’s okay, it's not your fault, you had no choice.”

My fault?

I let him envelop me in a hug, even though it feels like someones pouring concrete down my throat.

 _Say something, Bella!_ I'm too much of a coward to do so, so I bury my face deeper into Edwards chest glad that this secret has been lifted from my shoulder. Here, at least, I could pretend everything was okay. 

“So we’re just going to ignore the fact that she’s been whoring it up in some dive bar for attention.” Rosalie's words feel like a hot knife to the back and my body stiffens in response. “The whole family not enough for you,” She flicks a strand of blonde hair over her shoulder, and I can't take it. My heart breaks a little when Edward doesn’t say anything— I snap.

I break from Edward's icy embrace, turning to face her, my heartbeat strumming wildly in my ear.

“You know what, Rosalie? I’m so sick-and-fucking tired of your attitude, and the way you treat me. But I really can't say that the blame is solely yours, I’ve been holding my breath in hopes that Edward will stick up for me, for _once_!" I spare the man in question a glance, and he's staring at me mouth agape as I continue. "I love Edward and that’s unacceptable for Rosalie Cullen. You’ve made that clear since the day I stepped foot on your property, but there’s this thing called common- _fucking_ -curtesy. You keep your damn opinions to yourself!” I laugh sarcastically before pulling further out of Edward’s arms. 

“I mean I could have told you that the way you carry yourself, gives everyone in a five-mile radius the impression that you have a gigantic stick up your ass. But here I am— practicing what I preach.” I mock gasp at her affronted expression, and for a second I start to feel an onslaught of guilt before its gone. I glance at Jasper who’s got a small smile on his face even though it looks as if he could care less about this entire situation. 

“Are you done, Isabella?” I turn to face Edward, his face is as hard as stone but completely absent of all emotion. Of course, he’d pull that card. He always does. It’s as if my lowly human mind is too dimwitted to handle his complex emotions. “We’ll finish this at home. Let’s go.”

I step back as if he’s actually slapped me, has he not been listening to a word I said? But then I realize, this is happening, the moment where the resentment and anger from him leaving me had finally reached a culmination. I drew in a shuddering breath before stepping back towards the mouth of the alley. “You know, Edward. You say that I’m your soulmate, and you _say_ that you love me. But I honestly don’t see it— I’m not going anywhere with you. Go to hell.”

With a heavy heart, I run towards the bar without a backward glance. 


	7. What Have We done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the spelling errors in advance!
> 
> okay, mwah x

I wipe the tears from my eyes in hopes that my makeup isn’t ruined, but when I touch them and come away with black smears on my fingertips I know it's a hopeless cause. It’s time for my last song, and I slip on stage ignoring Carter’s genuine expression of concern. The crowd cheers when I take possession of the mic. 

It's only the piano and I on stage. Softly I utter to the crowd to grab a partner as Carter begins to play. 

_I'm trying but I keep falling down_

_I cry out but nothing comes now_

_I'm giving my all and I know peace will come_

_I never wanted to need someone_

The first words of the song fall from my lips and my eyes water as I watch everyone pair off.

_Yeah, I wanted to play tough_

_Thought I could do all just on my own_

_But even Superwoman_

_Sometimes needed Superman's soul_

I _need_ Edward, no matter how tough I play. While I finally stood up to Rose, the action is bittersweet, as I’m sure they’ll be hell to pay from this entire situation. I feel dizzy and incomplete like I’m missing a large part of me.

_Help me out of this hell_

_Your love lifts me up like helium_ __  
_Your love lifts me up when I'm down down down_ __  
_When I've hit the ground_ _  
_ _You're all I need_

I can’t help but feel tired and numb as I finish the song and the crowd claps. In the next moment, dipping and spinning their partners as the band comes to life behind the slowly rising curtain as I walk off stage. I slip away with my bags and key in hand when I know everyone's busy and won’t be able to follow after me. I wave off both Ray and Ed’s advances before heading towards my car in the lot across the street. 

“Hello, Bella.” Jaspers quiet voice startles me and I let out a shriek watching as he catches the keys that I promptly dropped.

“Jasper, _shit_. You almost gave me a heart attack.” His eyes widen when I curse, but instead of scolding me, he grins. “What are you doing here?”

“It took a lot of convincing on Alice’s part to get Edward to agree to me driving you home.” He says by means of explanation, before urging me around to the passenger side. I get in without a fuss because I knew I was still a little tipsy, and I’d just planned to sit in the parking lot until I’d sobered up anyway. 

“You sure he’s not sitting in the shadow somewhere sulking— ready to follow us home.” He pauses a moment mumbling something under his breath before throwing my car into a reverse with a lurch. It's not before we’re on the main highway, and darkness cloaks us on all sides that he broaches the subject.

“So you sing?”

I shrug. “That’s not new to you guys.”

“But you’ve never sung in front of us before, and certainly not like at that piano bar. What happened to shy Bella?” He teases.

“She died that day in the forest,” My answer comes out slightly bitter, but I revel in the truth. It just took me awhile to find this version of myself. “Do you mind if I smoke?” His eyes widen but he nods anyway.

“It’s your car, Bells.”

“I don’t usually smoke,” I say and its the truth, because once Charlie caught me on the front porch with a lit cigarette in my hand and threatened me with community service. I remove the carton from its hidden alcove underneath my truck bed and search around for a lighter.

“Here,” I lean forward and light my cigarette with the one Jasper offers. “Sharing is caring, Isabella.” And I watch in awe as Jasper plucks his own cigarette from the carton before lighting it.

“Vampires can smoke?” I query.

“And drink.” He quips. “It usually takes the harder stuff to combat the venom in our system, but, more or less. Edward never…” He trails off and of course its _Edward_ making another decision without consulting me, again.

He notices my mood dip and prompts me about the reason, and maybe its because he’s the least familiar Cullen, and I feel like I’ll have an advantage on account of his neutrality, but I want to tell him— tell someone how I feel. A wave of calm overwhelms my senses making the truth bubble up and spew from my mouth.

“It’s like I was sad and lost without him one day, and I woke up, and he’s suddenly back and it's like everyone but me was handed an instruction manual that tells them how to be okay with all of this. Everyone got a detox and a reboot… but a part of me still feels like I’m drowning. He never even said ‘sorry’. He left for three months and waltz back in like he didn’t hurt me.” I release my confession into the dark cab and shiver. Jasper mistakes it for me being cold and passes me his jean jacket. I put it on anyway because my dress barely covers any of my assets. 

I kick off my heels as an afterthought and put my bare feet on the dashboard.

“You know, I never blamed you for what happened on my birthday. It must be so hard to wrangle with your own bloodlust as well as six other vampires.” I glance at him and take note of the slight bruises underneath his eyes but the windows are slightly cracked and he hasn’t made a move to let any more fresh air in. 

“Thank you, Bella.” He nudges my shoulder and we both puff on our cigarettes in silence.

“Hey,” I ponder out loud. “Why did you smooth my guilt out after I was finished tearing into Rosalie? I really should apologize, she _is_ a bitch, but I think I might have been reeling from the moment.” The words taste bad in my mouth, and from beside me, Jasper snorts. He looks so carefree and the opposite from how he usually is at the Cullen’s, all tucked in an pressed. He’s wearing a worn-in pair of jeans and a vintage band t-shirt. 

His grin is sly as he cuts me a look. “Why, Isabella? Crushing on your brother are we.”

“Adoptive brother,” I correct him. “You just look so different, and I like it.” I softly reiterate my thoughts. 

“Well, darling. That makes two of us. But we Cullen's already stuck out like a sore thumb so it's better to go the privileged route. Don’t you think?” He gently prods, and I have to agree because the look they’re  going for now makes them unapproachable, anything less, and well… “As for my _dear_ sister Rosalie, you needed to put her in her place. She’s always been Carlisle’s princess, but she’s smart enough to see that that title is long gone. Rosalie is a bitch, and well, it's been brewing inside you for a while, hasn’t it?”

My eyes water. I thought I’d been hiding it so well. Could anyone else see how unhappy I was? In an instance, Jasper rolls the window down and deposits both of our cigarettes out the window. I blanch when I realize where we are.

“Sorry, Bella.” My truck slowly chugs the steep hill of the Cullen's driveway. “Other half of the stipulation.” Its almost two in the morning and the whole house is lit up. 

Fuck, guess we’re doing this tonight. 

I lean forward to tug on my converses and reach for the door handle. But Jasper beats me to it, with a cheeky grin, and I hop out reluctantly.

“Come on, little swan.” He softly teases, and I crack a smile even though we both know exactly how I’m feeling.

Esme almost rips the door off its hinges before we’re even halfway up the steps. “Bella, dear!” She carefully gathers me in her arms, enveloping me in a scent that's pure ‘Mom’. “You can tell us anything. Don’t be afraid darling, we’re your family.” She whispers the last part, but I know everyone in the household can hear what she’s saying, before ushering me inside.

“Now, I drew you a bath. Carlisle won’t be home from his shift for another hour, and Edward’s out… hunting.” I thank her before making my way up to the third floor and to Edward’s en-suite bathroom.

Edward’s bathroom is the only facet of his wealth that I don’t mind taking full advantage of. The entire back wall of the bathroom is glass allowing for a breathtaking view of the forest. The tub which is against the far wall is hands down my favorite part. It’s a deep soak with several jets, and its already brimming with lavender scented bubbles. I’ve been on my feet all day and smell of smoke and sweat from my shift, so I decide to hop in the shower and rinse off first before I soak in the tub. I watch the red-tinted water from my lipstick swirl down the drain in silence, before I pad along the heated floor and sink slowly into the tub.

I hum softly to myself, unbeknownst, the Céline song from earlier as I relax in the tub.

The lights flicker off and I breathe in startled before I realize its Edward. Without a word, he walks forward, and I balk. “Edward, I’m naked!”

“So you are,” He observes sitting down gracefully on the edge of the tub before staring out at the same view as me. “You have a beautiful voice, love.” I murmur my thanks although I’m extremely conscious of every movement I make. The bubbles are thick and cover every asset I have, but this is still as naked as I’ve been in front of him.

I shift uncomfortably watching the water slosh around in the tub.

“What can I say to make this better?” I finally gather the courage to address him. 

He barks out a harsh laugh, that makes me jump and he immediately apologizes.

“You lied to me, Bella. You’re drinking _and_ smoking in a bar, and I have no idea who the person is in front of me. I had to _see_ that in one of Alice’s visions— money being shoved down your top. If you needed money I could have given it to you. Was it the money?”

“That’s not true!” I turn to face him but he’s not even looking at me. “I was going to tell you— I swear, Edward. And it's not about the money, I just like… being there…” I weakly protest the tears come then, blurring Edward in my vision.

Edward begins to pace the length of the bathroom, tugging anxiously at his wild hair. “You like having money shoved down your dress?  You _like_ strangers pawing after you.  You _like_ —“

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I chant the words to the pounding in my head and I’m hyper aware that the whole house can hear our argument. “I like being at the bar, Edward. And you know why?” I rise out of the tub and the fact that he turns away so he doesn’t see me naked makes me more upset, and I snatch the robe from him angrily, loosely tying it so that the front hangs open. 

“Because when I’m there I don’t have to worry about any degrading comments made toward me,” Edward tries to interrupt, but I soldier on. “I’m myself. Yes, I smoke. I drink and I _fucking_ curse— because that is who I am after I pulled myself from the rubble— that _you_ left me in.” I’m nose to nose with him, and I can’t take the shuttered look in his eyes.

“Say something, Edward.” My voice is hoarse as  I beat against his chest trying to get a reaction. Any kind of reaction. “You left me, you said you loved me, and you left.” My words are disjointed by sobs, and the ragged breath I draw in when I’m done punctuates the end of my sentence. “What do you have to say for yourself— anything besides sorry, right?”

“Bella, stop.” He grasps my wrists stopping my assault on his chest, before pulling me to his hard chest. My nipples pebble from the coolness and we stare at each other wordlessly, both stunned by the feeling. 

Our lips meet in a gentle dance, his cool tongue sweeping across my lower lip cautiously, taking me by surprise. He’s never kissed me like this. 

“What are you doing to me, love?” It's a pained confession that he admits into my mouth, as our tongues move against each other for the first time. “Seeing you on that stage, hearing the thoughts of all those people, how desirable you looked in next to nothing.” He pulls the knot of my robe baring my breast to the room.

I sigh into his mouth when it connects with mine once again, his tongue exploring the new territory of my warm mouth. He lets me know how he feels perfectly. “So warm, so wet.” He chants the words like a mantra as his chilled hands make their way under my robe, gently coming to cup my ass and resting there.

I’m breathless, trying to understand how we’ve gotten to this point, and how we can still like this for the rest of forever. “Please,” I’m not above begging. Tentatively, I copy Evangeline’s moves from earlier. His forehead rests against mine as my hands move within his soft locks, gently tugging and scratching his scalp. 

“I _do_ love you, Bella.” He begs me to understand, and my eyes water as I realize that a part of me can’t— won’t believe him. I shut my eyes to escape the intensity of his eyes, they’d turn me to glass and I’d shatter soon enough. Who would be left to pick up the pieces?

Slowly, Edward sinks to the ground, his hands coming to cradle the back of my thighs as he comes face to face with my sex. The hand in his hair pulls tight in anticipation as he nuzzles the soft skin of my stomach. The vowel I’d shaped to form his name turn into a soft moan as he buries his face into my mound taking me completely by surprise.

I call out his name in surprise, before gripping his hair to maintain my balance. He won’t let me fall, but I still feel off kilter. My back arches as I find myself up against the cold wall of the bathroom, a leg thrown over Edward’s shoulder, as he continues to nuzzle between my legs. “I need to show you, Bella.” His eyes plead with me to understand, and I do. He needs this and so do I.

With careful precision he runs his tongue up the folds of my sex, parting it, and I mewl softly as he lightly touches my engorged clit. Every nerve on my body is on edge as he continues the soft motion towards my sensitive nub. I begin to move against him intensifying the feeling and that's when I realize I have to do— I have to see what he’s doing to me or I’m to combust.

Oh, if I could frame this moment. Edward on his knees before me, his jeans partially opened and erection straining against the seams. His godlike face, an expression of absolute bliss as he tongues me, pulling moans and mewls from my pliant body.

I grasp the fistfuls of his hair tighter in response and urge him faster, his actions becoming audible in the large bathroom. “Oh… wow, Edward.” I sigh as my core begins to clench in response to his actions. “I’m going to cum…oh, _ugh_! Edward!” I chant his name as I fly over the edge, the thought that this is my first orgasm with Edward does not escape my conscious, and I come again releasing onto his face as he devours it all.

“Bella,” He sighs my name into my thigh, kissing the skin there before nuzzling me.

“Oh, Edward. What have we done?” My words hold a hint of sorrow but for the first time in awhile, I can truthfully say that I’m happy. 

What have we done, indeed?

**Author's Note:**

> Leave some kudos and tell me what you think. :)


End file.
